08 February 2006

Humanatees


In her song, Silent All These Years, Tori Amos asks, "What's so amazing about really deep thoughts?" I think that after this entry, I might have an idea. My latest rumination - that Humanities are a cross between humans and manatees - has kept me going for some time now.

6 Comments:

At 3:55 PM, Blogger EmmaSometimes said...

heehee...Kind of like "apartments" which are never apart and always together.

 
At 7:49 PM, Blogger Sophia said...

Oooh, I like that one, Jennybee! :)

 
At 5:02 PM, Blogger EmmaSometimes said...

my dad sent me this...I would have emailed it, but I couldn't see one for you...enjoy.

We'll begin with a box, and the plural is boxes;
but the plural of ox became oxen not oxes.
One fowl is a goose, but two are called geese,
yet the plural of moose should never be meese.
You may find a lone mouse or a nest full of mice;
yet the plural of house is houses, not hice.
If the plural of man is always called men,
why shouldn't the plural of pan be called pen?
If I spoke of my foot and show you my feet,
and I give you a boot, would a pair be called
beet?
If one is a tooth and a whole set are teeth,
why shouldn't the plural of booth be called beeth?
Then one may be that, and three would be those,
yet hat in the plural would never be hose,
and the plural of cat is cats, not cose.
We speak of a brother and also of brethren,
but though we say mother, we never say methren.
Then the masculine pronouns are he, his and him,
but imagine the feminine, she, shis and shim.
Some reasons to be grateful if you grew up
speaking English:
1) The bandage was wound around the wound.
2) The farm was used to produce produce.
3) The dump was so full that it had to refuse
more refuse.
4) We must polish the Polish furniture.
5) He could lead if he would get the lead out.
6) The soldier decided to desert his dessert in
the desert.
7) Since there is no time like the present, he
thought it was time
to present the present.
8) At the Army base, a bass was painted on the
head of a bass drum.
9) When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes.
10) I did not object to the object.
11) The insurance was invalid for the invalid.
12) There was a row among the oarsmen about how to
row.
13) They were too close to the door to close it.
14) The buck does funny things when the does are
present.
15) A seamstress and a sewer fell down into a
sewer line.
16) To help with planting, the farmer taught his
sow to sow.
17) The wind was too strong to wind the sail.
18) After a number of Novocain injections, my jaw
got number.
19) Upon seeing the tear in the painting I shed a
tear.
20) I had to subject the subject to a series of
tests.
21) How can I intimate this to my most intimate
friend?
22) I spent last evening evening out a pile of
dirt.
Screwy pronunciations can mess up your mind! For
example...If you have a
rough cough, climbing can be tough when going
through the bough on a tree!
Let's face it - English is a crazy language. There
is no egg in eggplant nor ham in hamburger;
neither apple nor pine in pineapple.
English muffins weren't invented in England.
We take English for granted.
But if we explore its paradoxes, we find that
quicksand can work slowly,
boxing rings are square and a guinea pig is neither
from Guinea nor is it a pig.
And why is it that writers write but fingers don't
fing,
grocers don't groce and hammers don't ham?
Doesn't it seem crazy that you can make amends but
not one amend?
If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid
of all but one of them, what do you call it?
If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught?
If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a
humanitarian eat?
Sometimes I think all the folks who grew up
speaking English should be
committed to an asylum for the verbally insane.
In what language do people recite at a play and
play at a recital? Ship by truck and send cargo by
ship?
Have noses that run and feet that smell? How can a
slim chance and a fat chance be the same,
while a wise man and a wiseguy are opposites?
You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a
language in which your house can burn up as it burns
down,
in which you fill in a form by filling it out
and in which an alarm goes off by going on.
If Dad is Pop, how's come Mom isn't Mop?

 
At 8:40 PM, Blogger Sophia said...

That's amazing! I love it. :)

 
At 11:16 AM, Anonymous Cory, In Support of Sports Bras said...

I've always thought that humanities was an abbreviated form of "huge man titties"--considerably dirtier and more disgusting, but then again, that's the way that I am.

 
At 10:36 AM, Blogger Sophia said...

Cory, you are absolutely right; it is an abbreviated form. :)

Last night was SO fun! Movie nights are fast on the horizon...

 

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