The State of the Onion Address*

Why The Onion continues to be America's Finest News Source :

Headlines from The Onion [4 January 2006, Issue 42.01] :

• Plan To Straighten Out Entire Life During Weeklong Vacation Yields Mixed Results
• Man From Canada Acts Like He's Not Cold
• ExxonMobil Swears It's Going To Start Taxes Early This Year
• Guy Who Just Wiped Out Immediately Claims He's Fine
• Peppy U.S. Teens Vow To Make This The Best Year Ever
• Marital Frustrations Channeled Through Thermostat
• Swiss Threaten Ricola Embargo

Headlines from Previous Weeks :

• Teen Gives Up Smoking Pot After Seeing Parents High [28 July 2004, Issue 40.30]
• Local Sheriff Suspects Al-Qaeda Or Teens [18 August 2004, Issue 40.33]

*The title is courtesy of my friend John.