They'll Never Tear Us E-Part

So, I got a new e-mail address, and I've had to unsubscribe to so many things, such as newsletters, advertisements, current event updates, etc. I mean, I'm signing up for them again under my new e-mail account, but it's still sort of sad to see them all go. It's like saying goodbye to that car you've been driving all the way down the highway with. And, all of the sudden, they turn off the without any warning. No signal, no short horn beep, wave out the window, wink, no nothing. Well, this is the same thing. It hurts to see those messages, "We're sorry you won't be shopping with us anymore." I just want to reply back, "Yes! I will continue, just under a new guise." But, the automated e-mail tells me that I cannot respond back. Behold, I grieve.

Here were some of the e-mails that graced my old inbox :

We have received your request for unsubscribing you from the jcrew.com email list. This was especially hurtful, as it was just after they sent me an e-mail inviting me to "meet the tweeds". I really wanted to meet the tweeds, but I just didn't get a chance. I'm not even sure that I wanted to anymore, though. The breakup between J.Crew and me was rather abrasive.

You have been successfully unsubscribed to The Onion Weekly Dispatch! We are sorry to see you go. Do not reply to this message. Even if I wanted to express some sort of explanation such as, "I'm changing my e-mail address," they'll have none of it. They don't even want me to reply.

Thank you for your unsubscribe request. Red Envelope was happy to see me go.

For Sojourners, the creator of my favorite weekly publication, I wrote in the subject line - "Remove - I changed e-mail addresses and signed up from there - Thanks!" - because I didn't want them to get the wrong idea.

Crate and Barrel - Your email address will be removed from our mailing list. Please visit us again soon at www.crateandbarrel.com. If you have any questions, please contact us. My question: "Do we really have to end it like this?"

West Elm - This is to confirm your request that you do not wish to receive promotional email messages from us. Me: "I really do! Just at my other account."

Banana Republic was really big in that they gave me the option to unsubscribe. Now, that's freedom for the consumer. While we enjoy letting you know about the latest arrivals and events at Banana Republic, you have the option to unsubscribe. Your e-mail address has been removed from our list, but we hope you'll continue to visit us at BananaRepublic.com.

Another "thank you" for removing myself from the mailing list. Target said, Thank you. We have received your request.