Sassy Seniors

One day this past summer, my mom and I took a friendly trip to the library so I could print out a paper. As we were leaving, we witnessed what could only happen in a small friendly little town: a hit-and-run accident.

This was not just any hit-and-run, but one that involved two elderly folks. My mom and I conjectured that they were probably leaving a meeting for the "Friends of the Library" club, as there was a mass exodus of seniors from the library prior to the incident.

So, as we were pulling out of our parking spot, we heard a cacophonous "BAMMM" and immediately craned our necks to the left. There were two large cars, a Buick Century and a Lincoln Town Car, both shiny and new, with tail ends kissing like the fornicating teens I witnessed this past summer at band camp. The monstrosities were steered by two elderly women whose silvery hair tried desperately to billow in the summer breeze, but was thwarted by multiple layers of Aqua-Net hairspray. Oversized, polarized wrap-around sunglasses impeded what otherwise could have been really helpful in this situation: vision.

One of the two drivers actually heard the collision, realized what happened, and slowly re-entered her space. The other driver, however, continued to back out. "Oh look, she's going to pull to the side to assess the damage of the situation," I said to my mom. Either the zesty senior didn't hear what happened or thought she could get away with the whole shenanigans, because the next thing we knew, Ms. Thang put the pedal to the metal and floored it out of the library parking lot, with black smoke and the echo of screeching tires trailing behind.

I'm not sure, but I like to think that maybe Ms. Thang's reading group outread the other lady's book club that month.