An Artsy Flemish Birthday

Yesterday was my friend John's birthday. Being the artsy fellow that he is, I took him to a gallery to celebrate his special day. It was all going well until I almost got us into a major car accident. I was busy admiring the architecture of a large church on the left, when he yelled, "Watch out!" I was still accelerating while the car in front of me had stopped to turn. Slamming on the brakes, I was tempted to thrust my arm out in front of John, like my mom did when I was a child. I was always sure that I'd die from a blow to the chest long before I would from a car accident, so I abstained. Luckily, all was well, and we stopped in time.

So, we arrived at the art gallery, and it was so beautiful. We admired works by Rodin, Singer-Sargeant, Cézanne, Degas, Monet, Matisse, Renoir, Rembrandt, among others. One of my favorite paintings combined portraiture with still-life. In it, a young woman was standing behind a table adorned with produce. She was cutting an onion and presumably crying from its sulfuric acid, but you could sense that she was crying about more than just an onion.

The wheels really started turning when we started looking at paintings by Flemish artists. I wondered, if someone is Flemish, does that mean they're from Flem? If so, where's Flem? Did they ever spell it "Phlegm" just to be exotic? Before I dove face-down into the bowels of stupidity, I decided to ask Jeeves about it. It turns out that "Flemish" is an adjective referring to an area of Belgium called Flanders. The people who live there are called "Flemings" (like "Lemmings"). Their regional anthem, De Vlaamse Leeuw, mentions a "proud lion", which I conjecture is on their flag (above).

I now hold the keys to all the secrets pertaining to the Flemish, Flanders, flem, and possibly even flamenco.